I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
