I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
