My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I love having hate sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
