no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
