I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
