i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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