You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
