so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She has the best kind of daddy issues
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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