Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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