I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
