She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
