He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
