So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize