I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
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Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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