piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
