I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize