After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
