this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
