the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
