I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
