I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
