By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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