I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
