apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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