i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
