i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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