when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
