She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
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She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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