I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
