All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize