I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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