If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
