It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
