do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
