She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
