I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
