Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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