It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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