That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize