seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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