You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
