Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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