What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
