Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
