so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
