I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
