I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
