Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
