i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
