What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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