the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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