dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize