I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
