the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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