there's paper in my vomit.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
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you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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