ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
