its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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