Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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