Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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