when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
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The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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