You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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