I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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