Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
