Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
