in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
