just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
