Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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