shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
